The world of pretense

I pretend a smile when I don't feel like it
I pretend a tear when I can't do without it
I pretend calm when only that can help
I pretend a quite and no one can tell.

This world and its beings
Are unhappy in the happy
And happiness seems a lie.

This world and its beings
Are satisfied wih false praises
And I can't damn understand why.

This world and its beings
Are incapable of talking truth
'Cause truth is so dry.

Can you feel and can't you feel
Is it really there or really not there
Two questions and we get one answer.

Feelings and realities
Emotions and expressions
Two diferent things but we get one definition

This world of pretense
Will not change sometime soon
As it is the source of a lot of happiness...

Scattered Leaf

A leaf fell, scattered;
A leaf lost from it's roots
A leaf away from it's own
A leaf in a new world.

It will not survive long ....
It will not survive
The harsh tests of time,
And of life too.

Is it a verdict?
It is a truth lay hidden
underneath leaves and leaves
of pretense.

Passing thought!

Life is but my old friend
We break-up, we start afresh.
I get to learn a lot from it
Does it, by a chance, have a benefit
Of walking with me, or
Learning from me ?

Would it be alone some day I left?

I write

I write
Of a million memories tied into one
Of a milliom moments clubbed to forever
Of a million destinies and hopes,
Of a million dreams taking shape
Like a seedling into a plant
Like a thought into a creation.
Of the faraway love, weaving
Stranger bonds each passing day.
Of the blissful tears ready
To be out on their way.
Of a phone call seemingly
A million eons away.

I write of love, of strength
Of God and His power
Of faith, trust and life
Of every passing day and night
But don't I forget we humans
Grow and learn, hit and miss,
Fulfill and regret.

I forget to write
Of sorrows, misery and weakness
Of bad, the worse and worst,
Of a broken heart knowing no good,
Of a beggar child going without food
Of depression and blue
Of fate and fatal shades of hue.

What's in a name?

Kerri went on in her very excited tone, " I like your name very much." I gave her a grin and respond with a very cheerful thank you. She continued, "We Canadians are not a bunch of friendly people at all. What people usually do when they get resumes for a job is to sort them out according to the names. A person would be sorted out in the first-time sorting just because his name is not in sync with the hiring professional's community". She ended up with a matter-of-factly tone, " I have always looked up on people who have immigrated from other nations. I am glad I don't do that. Otherwise, I would have missed you. "

I listened to her speech trying to digest what I had just heard, trying to understand what it meant to me, and trying to figure out its dire consequences. I simply managed a nod and a smile to cream it all up.

Well, all's well that end's well. Quite true, but with a haunting over-powering sense of shock and uncertainty walking right beside me. "What's in a name? A rose by any other name will smell as sweet." The famous quote by Shakespeare occupied my mind. A rose would be hired if it was named rose, but not if it was named "Tulip".... Phew!!! Kind of weird isn't it?

Let's garter this hope firmly - I'll make it just as I made it this time. Let's hope a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet. Let's hope Shakespearinism sustains.

Life

है एक ज़िन्दगी जितना लम्हा
दुख के सहारे गर काटो इसे।
है एक लम्हे जितनी ज़िन्दगी
हँसी में गर डुबा दो इसे।
यह वक़्त का खेल है या ज़िन्दगी का
कोइ समझ न पाया है इसे।
खेल ही खेल में गुज़र जयेगा यह सफ़र
जुआ समझ कर गर खेलो इसे।
सही गलत के अलँक्रित तराज़ू में
उम्र भर बस नापते तोलते रहो इसे।
बाज़ी न तेरी हुइ न मेरी हुइ
जीत कर कोइ और ले गया इसे।


The meaning of the poem is here. It might not be the same. But I've tried to make the same sense out of it...

A moment may seem "life-long" if you spend it immersed in sadness. A life may seem "moment-long" if you laugh n spend it. You never know whether the game is set by time or by life. The journey would end just like a game, if you play it like you are playing "poker/bridge". (Well I am not sure whether it is poker or bridge - but I meant to say a cards game in which you play money - you win at times, you lose at others... )
In the adorned balance of right and wrong, all our age gets spent in measuring n balancing the worth of life.
Although you and me were playing the game, neither you won, nor me - someone else was proud of themselves to have won it ......

Why???

I am feeling so so so low.... why is nothing right? how many tests are we supposed to pass?? God, this just isn't fare... I saw that despite everything his faith on You was as stable as a wall.... Isn't that too much of a testing God? Isn't he sacrificing for all of us? Is that less proof for you?
I hate the look of anxiety on his face. He tries to keep calm. always. But you can always know. There's still that faint ray of hope. Although it still seems to have vanished, but there's always that, "dekhte hain.... shayad ........"
I donno what to say... God, just that, please don't test him this much.... Please show him light...
There's so much I want to say today...
So much ... I can't contain it ...
Shru, have been missing ur comforting arms a lottttttt.... I have been wanting a hug from u ... As a matter of fact, I hav lost count of the number of days I've wanted a hug, n had to go on without actually getting one?
Life reallly sucks... i wanna shout for all those who want to listen - life sucks, life sucks n life sucks

Walking alone....

खाली खाली सा यह कमरा लग रहा है
आज हारा हुआ महसूस कर रही हूँ,
धूँआ सा है आस पास
उस धूँए में कहीं खो गयी हूं।

बारिश की बूँदों की तरह
आँसू की लडी बह रही है
वो कागज़ भी लाचार महसूस कर रहा होगा
जिसकी स्याही इस पानी में घुल रही है।


ढूँढ रही हूँ किसिको आस-पास
कोई जो मेरी दुविधा को सुल्झाये
कोई सुनने के लिये आज होता पास
कोई जिसे दोस्त कह सकूँ।

गुम हूँ मैं ऐसी दुनिया में
ना कोई पूछता है ना कोई सुनता है
शायद हम में ही होगि कोई कमी
इतने दोस्तों के दोस्त होकर भी हम तन्हा हैं।

Musings....

Just some musings of what life has made me learn from it. I've gathered all those fresh flowers and I've seen them dry up. I've held upto those dried and withered flowers. And gradually I've learnt to gather the new flowers. It is like those flowers represent the happy moments of life. The withered ones - the sad pessimistic moments. I haven't yet left the withered ones coz they tell me the worth of the fresh flowers. And I never will...

We are payed by God in this life itself. Who's seen what's beyond this life? Who's even seen tomorrow? Or the next moment.

We walk to the shore only to see the sun set. To await the darkness. To positively watch the beauty of the night take over. To enjoy the serenity that transition holds for us. To enjoy the moment. That's life. A petite one. Yet, a beautiful one. Momentary, yet so full of moments.

A lot of questions with no answers. Answers not for us humans. Ones beyond our understanding probably. A few questions with answers we can't find. Just coz we don't want to. A few of them whose answers we know but they aren't worthwhile. Is it worth finding the answers at all??

Lost in these musings of mine. Drowned in sympathy I have for us humans. It isn't gonna help I know. It is not going to change things. What about the girl who has a hole in her heart? She's like one of us. But it doesn't matter. It won't change anything. Not for her. Not for anyone. Is it worth even feeling sad? Why.................... Does it matter to know someone, yet not know them so well? Why does it matter to know someone and still it doesn't matter to not to know someone in the same state?

I don't want the answers. But I still want them. My heart's sinking...... A feeling of fear, of compassion.

A picture so blurred. coloured with the black of life.

An hour of worthless posting and no good. To anyone. To myself.

Another line left to say - "That's life!" . But it isn't cheerful to think. These are the subtleties which are gonna remain forever. As long as there is life. And the power to think.

Empty vessel..

Just a passing thought - Empty vessels make much noise. Am I a vessel after all? Making much noise or little noise? A vessel half full and half empty. A vessel that could think for itself. A vessel that knows when to get off the gas, before things get worse. A vessel that worries, laughs, cries, asks, hops, skips, jumps... A cooker? A pan? A frying pan?? Isn't it so funny??
So empty vessels make much noise. What abt a pressure cooker? It makes noice even if it is full... Does the saying go wrong somewhere? Or it it just me?
What brings a vessel to my attention today? Hmm, my dad said that today. For me ofcourse!!

A peculiar post for a peculiar day by a peculiar person. Well it all goes hand in hand I guess. A vessel, a pot and a pan, a cooker...and so on.

Hand in hand with everyone we are walking,
Black and white and brown together, walking, walking

That was a prayer song we used to sing during our morning prayers at the Christian school. Memory is such a weird thing. It takes you where you could only dream of going - like, in the past. Or at present, to my friends back home.

Finding ways to leave realities far behind. That ain't easy either. "Far behind", did I say that? Well it isn't even easy writing what I wrote now in my present just for the sake of it. 'Coz i don't know what I am writing. Some crap for my readers...

Sorry folks!! This was just to confirm that I'm not normal today!!!

sawaal ??

जो खुद से करोगे सवाल तो जवाब मिलेगा
सुन कर उसे अनसुना न कर देना
सवाल बन कर वो जवाब ज़हन में ही रहेगा
उसे अपने से कहीं अलग न कर देना ।

यादों को संजोने से किस्सा वही बनेगा
बाहर निकल कर देखो आकाश वही दिखेगा
खामोशी तोड़ कर देखो नगमा वही सुनेगा
कागज़ पर लिखो नाम तो चेहरा वही दिखेगा
केह्ते हैं ढूँढने से मिलता है भगवान भी
अपने पर विशवास करके देखो, हर जवाब मिलेगा !!!

Easy to lose faith?

Why is it so easy to lose faith in God? Why do we not see that God holds us when we fall down?
Why don't we believe that he is there..
Talking abt this friend of mine, who's utterly pained these days for thinking he is a failure. He says he's lost, he's drowned. I tried to make him understand, but to no avail. guessing a person forgets the brighter n better sides of things when he sees the gloomy side of it...

But why? Well yes, certain things aren't the way we want them to be. But still, there are other things in life worth caring for. Well, probably it is hard to look for a direction when things aren't right...
why can't he see the opportunities that are still there??

We always move on, but we find it hard to admit that. We hav to...

Well pain is not the question, it is its bearing. It is painful I know, but feeling pained doesn't help to make us feel better.

I don't know why God doesn't make us see Him, even when He is there...

It is so hard to accept the hard facts of life - that somethings are simply meant to be, and somethings are not the way we want them to be. We lose what we want at times. Why?

If He gave us these pains, he also gives us strength to overcome it. But why, at times that strength isn't enough for some of us? It hurts to see our friends n family in pain. Praying to God to help all those who don't want to fight and go ahead, coz they've failed...

Cigarette smoking: eeeeeeeeeeek

One of the things I would hate to be able to tolerate ever is cigarette smoking. And it is the same thing that I hate about Canada most. The forget that this is what the take in when they smoke... And trust me, these aren't meant to be inhaled...



It bothers me more than any other thing. People are so hell addicted to this... They can not sit for an hour in the labs. without going outside to smoke once. 20 % of Canadian population is statistically known to smoke.. and this is a decrease since 2000, when abt 25 % of it was a victim of this... I still doubt the 20% figure as for me it(the figure) should be more ... Well, at least I am glad smoking is banned inside closed places.... Well, there are special areas inside restaurants and coffee houses designated as "smoking areas" approved by law... This is how much they are affected by it...



Warning:

Not all people can quit smoking.Even though they want to stop they can't, because when the nicotine is in your blood , your body needs the nicoline in order to survive.

Well, true that we all have to die once.. but this means an early death.. and not only does it hamper your being, it also has an additional danger to those who are near to you... Who might want to live, who would be suffering the consequences of smokers via smoke that is called "passive smoke"...



An appeal:

Do not spoil your and other people's lives by smoking. Avoid it altogether.. Life has more meaning to it and value to it than a puff of cigarette ....

Zindagi

ज़िन्दगी का सफ़र तो गुज़र जायेगा,
मन्ज़िलें और काफ़िले न रुकेंगे,
मौजों को साहिल न भी न मिला तो क्या,
वो न रुके है न रुकेंगे ।


कह्ते हैं हँसते-हँसते कट जायेगा यह सफ़र,
अंधेरों से जीत कर होती है फिर सेहर,
राहों में आयी मुश्किलों को पार कर लोगे,
तब आयेगी तुम्हारे इन्तेज़ार में खड़ी मँज़िल नज़र ।


काफ़िर जान ले यह सच ज़िंदगी के,
न जाये ज़िन्दगी कि यह लेहर बह,
सोचो मत क्या हुआ है अब तक,
उसके बारे में सोचो जो रह गया है ।


उजालों का इंतेज़ार करते करते
रात की तारीखी में कहीं खो न जाना,
ज़िन्दगी के ग़मों को याद करते करते,
वो हँसी के पलों को कभी ना भुलाना ।


12 मार्च 2006

Life is a topic, oh well nt a topic, something that i ve loved to write about always! And here is another one, a further step on its journey in life....
I know I must have made a lot of spelling mistakes, n a lot of other errors in this...excuse me for this ... I am pretty new to writing poetry in hindi , just about 4-5 months old... though i ve explored my passion for writing in English for abt 5 years now! Any help, suggestions, corrections highly appreciated....
P.S. : Thanks Adi, for suggesting me how this was to be done. I always wrote my Hindi stuff in English but it somehow lacked the flavour!!