My world...dreams and questions....

Wednesday, May 31, 2006


एक वो मुकम्मल जहाँ था
जहाँ दिल न कभी सुना था
यह भी तो एक जहाँ है
कोई अपना दिखता ही कहाँ है ।

अंधेरे क्या और उजाले क्या
वक़्त एक सा ही रह्ता है
मुसकुराने की आदत सी हो गयी है
बडे हसमुख हो हर कोइ कह्ता है ।

आँसू का एक कतरा आज आँख से गिरा
तो तनहाई ने मुझसे कहा
अकेले हो तुम अकेले हैं हम
क्युँ न शुरू करें दोस्ती का कारवां ।

किसी दोस्त के मिलते ही
तुम तो मेरा साथ छोड दोगी
अगर फिर कभी तन्हा हुइ तो
मुझे तभ भी अपने पास पाओगी ।

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Monday, May 29, 2006


Just some musings of what life has made me learn from it. I've gathered all those fresh flowers and I've seen them dry up. I've held upto those dried and withered flowers. And gradually I've learnt to gather the new flowers. It is like those flowers represent the happy moments of life. The withered ones - the sad pessimistic moments. I haven't yet left the withered ones coz they tell me the worth of the fresh flowers. And I never will...

We are payed by God in this life itself. Who's seen what's beyond this life? Who's even seen tomorrow? Or the next moment.

We walk to the shore only to see the sun set. To await the darkness. To positively watch the beauty of the night take over. To enjoy the serenity that transition holds for us. To enjoy the moment. That's life. A petite one. Yet, a beautiful one. Momentary, yet so full of moments.

A lot of questions with no answers. Answers not for us humans. Ones beyond our understanding probably. A few questions with answers we can't find. Just coz we don't want to. A few of them whose answers we know but they aren't worthwhile. Is it worth finding the answers at all??

Lost in these musings of mine. Drowned in sympathy I have for us humans. It isn't gonna help I know. It is not going to change things. What about the girl who has a hole in her heart? She's like one of us. But it doesn't matter. It won't change anything. Not for her. Not for anyone. Is it worth even feeling sad? Why.................... Does it matter to know someone, yet not know them so well? Why does it matter to know someone and still it doesn't matter to not to know someone in the same state?

I don't want the answers. But I still want them. My heart's sinking...... A feeling of fear, of compassion.

A picture so blurred. coloured with the black of life.

An hour of worthless posting and no good. To anyone. To myself.

Another line left to say - "That's life!" . But it isn't cheerful to think. These are the subtleties which are gonna remain forever. As long as there is life. And the power to think.

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Empty vessel..

Just a passing thought - Empty vessels make much noise. Am I a vessel after all? Making much noise or little noise? A vessel half full and half empty. A vessel that could think for itself. A vessel that knows when to get off the gas, before things get worse. A vessel that worries, laughs, cries, asks, hops, skips, jumps... A cooker? A pan? A frying pan?? Isn't it so funny??
So empty vessels make much noise. What abt a pressure cooker? It makes noice even if it is full... Does the saying go wrong somewhere? Or it it just me?
What brings a vessel to my attention today? Hmm, my dad said that today. For me ofcourse!!

A peculiar post for a peculiar day by a peculiar person. Well it all goes hand in hand I guess. A vessel, a pot and a pan, a cooker...and so on.

Hand in hand with everyone we are walking,
Black and white and brown together, walking, walking

That was a prayer song we used to sing during our morning prayers at the Christian school. Memory is such a weird thing. It takes you where you could only dream of going - like, in the past. Or at present, to my friends back home.

Finding ways to leave realities far behind. That ain't easy either. "Far behind", did I say that? Well it isn't even easy writing what I wrote now in my present just for the sake of it. 'Coz i don't know what I am writing. Some crap for my readers...

Sorry folks!! This was just to confirm that I'm not normal today!!!


Saturday, May 20, 2006

As they bid adieu!!!

The 4 years! The magical mystical 4 years are coming to an end. Not mine - my 4 years ended after 2 1/2 years! But my friends'. I haven't lived far from any of them ever. But as they are about to say good bye to each other, it seems to me they are going far away from me too. Some words, they say are best if left unsaid. But some words do need to be felt.

I did meet a lot of people there, made a lot of people, learnt a lot from a lot of people, remember n miss a lot of people. A few words for the ones who did make a difference in my life and whom I'll remember forever coz of their certain characteristics:

Abha, typically an idealist, hard working and honest, 'courz very helping at all times. I 'll always remember u for that. Amie - well, the biggest joker of all times. I've loved the way she'd react to things!! And I'll love her always for pampering me :D ... I've always loved being pampered :)..Jas - I'll call him a warrior forever!! Well he knows y... He's been in touch with me all through this time. Though he left the college way before me, probably I am the only girl who's in touch with Pardeep. I see him occassionally. I'll remember him for the prank I played on him... n his reaction!! OMG!! It was so hilarious :D I think he's gonna remember me for that always.. Prashant: Probably the cutest guy in our class.. And very helpful!.. How can I forget his n Robin's help during those workshop days?? And their friends Navdeep (smart with no gf.. ) and Anish (a great mastermind ... n a great programmer ... n very shy - Well I almost was in a state of shock when I heard he had a gf)... Varun - for being a great friend... n for being always by my side... n for trusting me so much.. this is what I have to say to u - I'll be here always... Prank, I've loved ur beautiful smile (aur tumhara woh sharmana ... :P) It was great being with u all thru that time... Poo, well dear, I'll remember u for the difference of thoughts that u've lived with always.. I'll remember u for really being a champ ... U've inspired me a lot of times... (i know not many people know that!! ). Now comes my dearest sweetie Shru - I wish I was by ur side always... n forever. know that I'll always love u for all the consolation that u've provided me inspite of ur blues at times... I miss those times when I would always get a shoulder to cry on, when I needed one (even when I didn't ask for it) - now I've learnt to cry without shoulders ... n to control my tears without ur hands to wipe them off... But know that I will never be too far from u... I always hope u've grown up with time.. Chand - hmm he's special.. :D ... somebody reading this blog will figure out the right reason... Along with him I'd name Mukul - the former CNG could guess that right girls?? n yes, Indrani, Navjot S., ... :d :d :d :D. N yes Saurabh - one of the best guys of our class.. Itna saaf dil maine shayad hi kissi ka dekha hoga... U'll be always remembered for that. And I guess u'll remember me for copying ur signatures so well that u had to take care of ur bank account ;) ... The one name I am not mentioning here - I can tell u all that I have to.... RIGHT??

Baatein bhool jaati hain, Yaadein yaad aati hain...

There are others too - So many of them. n I'll remember them always ... even though I haven't mentioned them here... It's been a bond that has been hard to break in this 1 year n 2 months!!!

As you walk out into this world unknown - out of the realms of togetherness, I wish you all, all the very best in life n in every field.. and always!! One thing I wish from the bottom of my heart - Please do not forget me ever. I couldn't live with the thought of being forgotten!!

Hum rahein ya na rahein yaad aayenge woh pal!!!

With lotz of luv n wishes,
Take care
Adieu friends!!!!


Thursday, May 18, 2006

50 secrets ...

So shadows found a new way of getting me to post.... lol... Was just wondering if they are secrets, how come they need to be revealed????

1. Were you named after anyone?
2. Do you wish on stars?
Always.. it is as if the wish comes straight from the heart without thinking or wanting to wish
3. When did you last cry?
What about leaving it as a secret??
4. Do you like your handwriting?
Am in love with my handwriting .. :P
5. What is your favourite meat?
I do not eat meat
6. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf?
I guess none
7. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you?
Yeah .. for sure
8.Are you a daredevil?
Nope. I would n't like to dare n be a devil.. :D
9. How do you release anger?
At times, taking it out, at times crying...
10. Where is your second home?
Left my second home far away... Donno when I'll visit it...
11. Do you trust others easily?
No... at least not with something that could harm me
12. What was your favourite toy as a child?
A teddy bear my mom had made for me.
13. What class in school/college do you think is totally useless?
At least nothing is useful if not useless..
14. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Yepp... not a lot.. bt still yes..
15. Have you ever been in a mosh pit?
??? What's that?
16. What do you look for in a guy/girl?
mmm, truth, friendship, love
17. Would you bungee jump?
18. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
19. What's your favourite ice cream?
20. What are your favourite colours?
Black, blue, mauve, white
21. What are your least favourite things?
mmm, lies, interference,
22. How many people do you have a crush on right now?
1 - SRK
23. Who do you miss most right now?
It aint just 1 person I am missing "most" right now. My sis, him, Shru...
24. What are you listening to right now?
Main pal do pal ka shaiyar hoon.. by Mukesh
25. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
Mauve - coz it doesn't exist up until now
26. What is the weather like right now?
Exactly the way I love it to be .. rainy, foggy and misty
27. Last person you talked to on the phone?
28. The "first" thing you notice about the opposite sex?
It depends... Well I donno, I've never thought of it this way
29. Do you like the person who sent you this?
'Courz yes... she is cho chweeet
30. How are you today?
Pretty good...with a bit of back ache
31. Favourite non alcoholic drink?
32. Favourite alcoholic drink?
Never had one
33. Natural hair colour?
Dark brown/Black
34. Eye colour?
Dark brown/black
35. Wear contacts?
Nope, but specs yes
36. Siblings?
Yepp, a bro n a sis
37. Favourite month?
38. Favourite food?
lots of it :D .. rajmah chawal, dhokla,
39. Favourite day of the year?
14th Feb

40. Have you ever been too shy to ask someone out?
Didn't need to :D
41. Scary movies or happy endings?
Happy endings
42. Summer or winter?
Winter, with fog, mist, rain snow... wow
43. Holi or Diwali?
Diwali, but without crackers
44. Do you like your name?
Oh yes!!
45. What book/magazine are you reading?
Half a Life - V.S. Naipaul. (didn't like it a lot though)
46. What's on your mouse pad?
Haha...I do not have a mouse pad ;)
47. What did you watch on TV last night?
48. Favourite Smell?
Of a fresh rose
49. Have you ever regretted breaking up with someone?
Never broken up... never needed to ...
50. Most tiresome thing you’ve ever experienced/done?
Studying in Canada :((

That does it ... :)

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Intehaan ho gayee

Intehaan ho gayee
Intezaar ki...

Aayee na kuch khabar
Mere yaar ki...
Yeh humein hai yakeen
Bevafaa woh nahi

Phir wajah kya hui



And now Sunday is here too.....

Kab tak wait karoon?? Missing ..Missing.. Missing...


Saturday, May 13, 2006

As the angel turns one

As this little angel turns a year old on the coming 15th May, I wish I could have held her in my hands at least once till now. I wish I could have seen her smile with glee as I held her close to my heart. I wish I could have kissed her to sleep if she would be crying right in my arms.

Probably they are just meant to be. The things. The distances. The requests. The cravings.

I do wish her all the happiness in life. All the love. All success. All blessings. A lot of kisses. I hope they all reach across the miles to bless the life of this cherubic little baby in the most special way.

This is probably just a way to write how sick I am feeling at this thought. Bhaiya n bhabhi I wish I could tell you how much I miss you all, n how bad I feel at being so far away and not being able to do anything about as of now. How I wish I were there celebrating your happiness with you all. Despite, all that I have to say is that my prayers n wishes are always with you. I miss you a lot. The time, the masti, everything!! Missing u my baby, my sweetheart.

Lots of love....

Sunday, May 07, 2006

sawaal ??

जो खुद से करोगे सवाल तो जवाब मिलेगा
सुन कर उसे अनसुना न कर देना
सवाल बन कर वो जवाब ज़हन में ही रहेगा
उसे अपने से कहीं अलग न कर देना ।

यादों को संजोने से किस्सा वही बनेगा
बाहर निकल कर देखो आकाश वही दिखेगा
खामोशी तोड़ कर देखो नगमा वही सुनेगा
कागज़ पर लिखो नाम तो चेहरा वही दिखेगा
केह्ते हैं ढूँढने से मिलता है भगवान भी
अपने पर विशवास करके देखो, हर जवाब मिलेगा !!!


Friday, May 05, 2006

Love Souvenir

Do I need say more??


Dedicated to dear Peenuts

(This is for peenuts, who left a comment on the post just below this one!)

oh Dear,
i donno why it takes so much to be in luv and to love someone, but i do know that all that is worth it... :)
trust me!
yeah, i can understand what u must be going thru, with being a part of the "answerers" .. specially at the time when u have none.. when supposedly the best thing to do is to let ur person understand without your telling them....when he/she has to trust u blindly... just coz u love him/her ...that is more of a valid reason than an excuse I believe.
I know life isn't as simple as a yes and a no. i do wish it were at times. But then, i think it would lose its charm... but that is a different story.
So, I'd say, keep holding, u'll find the answers someday .. for urself, for ur love, n perhaps u won't even need them that day.
Keep holding, keep loving, keep trusting in Him, in urself, in her, in her questions, in ur priorities.....
I hope n pray n trust that u'll make it.. :) May God bless you enough so that u are able to walk the path of ur life with the one u want to without explaining and answering at times!! n may He give u strength to answer boldly with courage when u have to!!!
All the best to you!!!!
Keep smiling

Why are they saying like that?

The other day it was him, asking me questions... What if... It would be hard.. This n that n I donno what..
I can understand his anxiety..
Today it was Varun!! It is gonna be hard.. Not easy.. Think!!! Think!!! Think!!! n ...
But I feel perplexed... Why are they scaring me? What is so hard?
No......................................... I donno..

It is alright!! Everything will be fine.. I am not immature, n I do not regret. We see a lot of our life without knowing abt it. And there is a lot I still know. Even if there is probably a lot I do not know. I think I don't care.

As long as God is there.


Tuesday, May 02, 2006

quixotic says too much

Hmm, quixotic says too much...
yeah, she thinks too much, she worries too much,
she fears too much
she supports too much, she works too much,
she loves too much
But one thing remains, she is the best :)
Love u sweetheart!! God bless you always ...