My world...dreams and questions....

Saturday, March 24, 2007

All out!!!!!

Umm, it was a bad day with cricket yesterday. India LOST!!! I had a feeling Sehwag and Dravid would steal the show. And I must say, poor Dravid... He didn't even hold his bat high after he had made 50 runs, and was so ashamed after the match ended .... N now the only chance of an entry into super 8's is the victory of Bermuda over Bangladesh... Strange isn't it that our forwarding depends on defeat of Bangladesh... :D ... n which has a 1 in 1000 chances ....
And not to mention that India made a world record playing against Bermuda, and B'desh defeated India......
I hope the cricket crazy Indian friends don't do something ridiculous as they started to do when India lost against B'desh ....
Well, now I guess it's time to wish luck to Bermuda :D
Go Bermuda Go!!!
With all luck n wishes for India and Bermuda ;)

Wednesday, March 21, 2007


Here I come, with a very brief update of what's going on with and near me these days. 2 years since my entry into Canada, and I still would rightly say, I am still learning my ways around here. I've seen enough life to say that life certainly is more powerful than God. Not that I ever did under estimate the power of life, but I think I had certainly over estimated the power of God. I am in the midst of faith and no-faith on God. I don't want to shadow this one supreme being from my life.
I had been busy over the weekend with an assignment due on Monday. I slept for only two hours on Sunday night, and Monday I was barely awake. And distraught. This post was due yesterday, but the computer I was writing on hung twice, as I was typing this. So I couldn't really finish what I had to say. It was a tiring day. Sh took me to his house and then dropped me home. I wonder how pretentious I am at times. But I was genuine yesterday. I had that mask of positivity kind of unveiled (without wanting it ofcourse), and I guess probably anyone would understand that as a human, a perfect life is a dream - a dream not ever meant to come true.
My man's quite busy these days. It's good in a way. But then.... Oh well, I guess some things can wait. And some people can wait as well. And not to forget, we have a habit of complaining.
It's an unsatisfactory life. It's missing so much more than it's fulfilling. It's the difference between wanting and getting. It's the difference between living life, and living. It's the magnanimity of humans that we still live this "gift" of God called life.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

An experience to learn from...

I guess I will never forget today's day. Went for a movie with friends - walking for 40 minutes in minus some degrees temperature, with no gloves and cap on, and breathing heavily. Well the walk was supposed to be 8 minutes, which is quite agreeable. But nevertheless, that's what we ended up with. I could've handled that. But what's been really annoying and frustrating for me today was that we weren't really walking together. It was probably a kind of race to get to the theatre first, more than anything - more than the fact that the area was new, more than the fact that some people were walking behind the rest, more than the fact that some people were walking slower than the rest, more than the fact that the snow wasn't really somewhere you'd want to walk alone tripping and saving your own self from falling. I want to say more right now, but I think it's a good idea to not to write when you're angry about something. I was short of breadth by the time we reached, and half-sick :-).

Me, who thinks she can handle every damn thing in life, wasn't really wanting to tell anyone about the pain I was feeling in my chest. I suck at that. I know I do. And Sh was right in saying today that it's been quite a while since we know each other and I behave formally. I donno. I so miss those college friends whenever something happens, that I wish they were here. Because they could certainly have walked with me. Because they could've matched their pace with mine - coz I walk slow.

But well, I was on the verge of crying because someone like V who I assume is the fastest walker I've seen, can walk slow when he walks with me. Or rather, walked. Or I could have rightfully shouted at him and asked him to walk with my pace. But somehow, I don't feel that I have a right on them as much as I did on those people. Probably it's the time. It probably is the time. I was with them for 3 years almost, and I am with them for about less than a year. That's simply me; rebelling against myself, for what I feel, think and believe. And I refuse to learn, because I refuse to do what ought to be done when you are dissatisfied with the way others around you weave phases of your life along with you.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Vice and Advice

Vice and advice have the much respected cause-effect relationship. I kind of realized this yesterday as I was listening to a friend's problem. Not quite a close friend, but well, I think it doesn't really matter to lend a listening ear to someone who wants to speak up and is comfortable doing that in front of you. It's so hard to change habits. You know what's wrong - where exactly is the problem arising from, but you want to eliminate that part saying "I am just the way I am". I myself use that so often.

It feels great when you think that someone can be on the same page as you. After this same-page-story, I believe people usually fall into two categories - one of people who want advice from you and take it gladly if you offer some, and the other of people who know the facts and figures too well to take any advice that you offer them. Not that they know everything, but just that they know what you have to tell them. I fall into this second category. I am someone who just wants shoulders to cry on (quite often wanting those shoulders without even telling them why I need them). I hate being adviced. And I hate depending.

And then, there are people we take for granted - people whom we expect to be there all the time, people who could read our faces without looking and our voice without hearing, people whom we expect to know everything without describing them. I presume that telepathy exists. But apparently it doesn't....

Arghh!! That was too much of philosophy, I guess. I needed to blurt out something.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Aaj phir ...

Ek aah si aisi di hai sunaayee
Jiska na koi sahara, na wajood,
ki ghumon ka phir chal raha hai silsila
Aur phir hain tanha hum koi sahara na maujood...

sisakti aankhein kehti toh bahut kuch hain
par na samajh sakta hai har insaan
Ek hum bhi hain aisi uljhan mei fasse
Ki lab khamosh hain bolti hai aankho ki zubaan...

Kahan hai woh bandon ka rakhwala?
Kahan hai woh pyaar ki madhushala?
Woh jo dard leta aur khushi deta hai
Kya mere hisse ki bhi auron mein baant deta hai?

Har bikhare pal tooti khushi ko
Sametne ki koshish pe koshish karti hoon
Aur woh haath pe haath dhare rehta hai
Aur paani ki tarah sab baha deta hai ...

I wish words could say everything. Or rather, I could use them for saying everything. To make the long story short, life's not smooth at my end.