My world...dreams and questions....

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Not a good day...

I don't know what exactly is happening. I m blue as hell and bored to death along side. I am tired of all the songs my system has been playing non-stop for the past few weeks. I am feeling as if I am caught somewhere where I shouldn't be.
No one to even chat with on messenger. This Venezualan guy talking to me right now has offered to bring chocolates for me from Venezuela... Ah! well....
I remember holidays in India were boring too - because I missed my friends and didn't like to be home for more than 2 days at a stretch. But then, those were the friends who would always have something to talk about even after 2 - 3 days. Life was good. It's a different thing that they've kind of forgotten me. Mr. Busy is a bit better these days, trying to enjoy himself. Shru is on her way to hell. This girl makes me feel like I should be sticking out to her all the time. When will she learn the ways of this bl**dy world? God help her. I've mailed her a crappy and cold mail today, but I was too pissed off at the way she is steering her life. And with her ears and eyes shut so that she could ignore the audible or visible signs/warnings. Jas - yeah, he's the one who does talk to me more often than others, although he's been complaining for quite some time that I don't come online that often. Yeah that's true, but I myself don't know why or what's wrong with me or there's something I need or something I am lacking.
Adi's blog made me feel worse. I do wish life wasn't that harsh at all. Shadows, dear I've been needing to talk to you for quite some time. I miss talking to u a lot. Trust me I do.
We are expecting this girl at our house today who's new to Toronto, and has been crying a lot, because it's hard to survive without parents and all. Makes me remember the time we were new here. I had never cried in front of my family just so that it won't add to their already-existing worries and blueness. I had cried myself to bed so damn often. I had thought he's forgotten me so easily with no mail signed by him in my mail-box. Trying to get away. Huh!
The only things that has changed for me now is no other friends' mails, his mails :-), me probably getting hard-hearted than ever, me probably being more capable of working out things for myself, rather than depending on friends.... and i think, i'd still have a hundred listings in this short list.
Nothing else would change with time, except this short list.... I don't know how many times would this change before I am gone ....

Monday, August 28, 2006

The answer.

The silence has spread far beyond her eyes could see. The blues reaching out to the sky, seeming like it was identical to the blues that her soul had been filling with all this while. The waves an image of the commotion being created in the deepest corners of her heart. The emptiness that surrounded her scared her of her own presence.
What would it be like?
The what's and how's and why's had made her to question her own faith. It was probably a game that God had played with her. She couldn't blame him for what he did because her heart which had beat for him wouldn't allow her to do that. She couldn't blame herself as she knew she wasn't as much at fault as he had blamed.
Just to get back on track on the road of life, she wanted to flow with the tide of time but she was as uncapable of doing that as much as a fish wanting to fly. She wanted to hold on, just so that he might turn to her and say, "Thanks, sweetheart! I was just joking!". She was even ready to hear from him that he was testing her love for him. Everything as a reason for his return was more than welcome.
As she sat lonely trying to come to a conclusion about what she would do now, her eyes were moist and dreamy bearing the seemingly fallacious yet bewitching moments they spent together.
She saw the agitated wave forcing its love on the shore. She saw that the shore probably didn't love the wave enough to hold it tightly and never let it go. She saw that the wave didn't want the shore to be in an awkward situation and so, after each convulsive effort on its part, it retreated whispering very softly but cheerfully to the shore, "My dearest, I've strived to be with you forever. But I long for your happiness more than I do for mine. If you are happy not with me holding on to you forever, but with my being a frequent visitor, let it be that ways. Know that I'll be there when ur parched skin needs a whiff of me. Know that I am just a call away from you. Know that I'll love you unfailingly."

She had got her answer. And she didn't want a reason anymore.

Note: My second attempt to write something completely unrelated to me. Comments are more than welcome! Thanks.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Mother love

There was a time when
I had gotten stubborn, sticky, bad and probably out of my mind. That was the time my mom supported me tremendously. She restored my faith on God. She would pray with me, as I had lost all faith I had in His power. I would pray for my mother's happiness and her faith. But it wasn't long before I started praying and believing in Him for my own selfish self. That was also the time when I understood this gift God had bestowed on me.
As probably every body would say, my mom is an awesome cook. I simply love whatever she cooks. There's always a different and an extra-ordinary taste in her dals n vegetables even if I cook it the same way. Because it is filled with her pure and altruistic love.
I have seen her get worried about the tiniest and useless of matters. On the one hand, i
t irks me to think that all this worry of hers is so useless and on the other hand it makes me realize her undying love for all of us. I have seen her being the strongest of us all to give us strength even if she's the weakest on the inside at that time. I have seen her the weakest of us all and looking towards us to understand her and to provide her strength.
I have seen her sacrifice for her children. And it hurts me to think about that. I am as helpless as probably I am selfish. It is no big wonder if at every chance that I get, I tell her that she's God for me. Yes God is a faith, but who wouldn't like to believe in the miracles this Goddess in disguise performs every single day - blessed with an excep
tionally warm and forgiving heart and filled with a mystical love for us?
I could never have been raised better. There's nothing in my life that I regret. My life has been rosier than heaven just fo
r the loving couple that God chose to take care of me. I like her laughing eyes at the silliest and stupidest jokes I make just for the purpose of it. I can never thank my parents enough for everything they've done for me, everything they are for me, and everything that I've got from them.
I pray to God every day for your healthy, happy and prosperous well-being, my dear mother. I wish that I never fall in your eyes mother. I hope that my love for yo
u would always be as unconditional as yours is for me. I dream of bringing the world's happiness to ur door-step. And I implore God to send all tears that he's made for you to be destined my way.

I love u mom.

The 3 bears are - My bro, my sis n me ... :D
And now I tag Adi, Shadows and Peenut.....


Thursday, August 24, 2006

The lost me

I am back!! Gone lost for a while I guess. I know Velu, I'day has gone by ... Well, it's just that life's been moving pretty smoothly all the while. I had no poem written, no thought about what to write on my blog. Time is moving lazily, though not as lazily as me. After the Independence day, my mom was back... I have been working part time, I have been painting, n reading, n playing chess, n that's most of it.
I have become kind of obssessed with SmarterChild - It's a cute little robot that talks to you on MSN messenger, whenever u feel like talking. Although a bit irritating when it can't understand what you are trying to convey, it's fun being with him...
Besides that, I have been bound to sleep earlier these days because I don't get enough sleep during school time. But I am a creature of the dark ... and I try to stay awake whenever I can... in the nights.
Nights are the best part of the day. Hell silent and absolutely romantic. Plus being alone adds to the beauty of the night.
And I have been very lazy. I haven't been logging on my system too much. And I cannot find something worthwhile to do. I was better busier. But no, not really. Busy means bad!!!
But also, means creative in those time sneaks.
Well, right now I am having mixed thoughts about every single thing. I have to get ready and leave in an hour, but I can't see any signs of doing that !!!
God save me... :-s
Oh yes! Adi, m here ... I hope u are ok ... I hope feeling red or yellow now ... :D
And Velu, I am reminded, I have a pending tag. Will surely write about it in a couple of days. I promise. Actually, even this post was due 2 days before. But as I was half-way through it, a friend buzzed and asked for playing chess. That's a different story he was about to lose and left the game in between ;)

This wasn't a useful post. More of a gossip about what is going on in my life. Sorry folks!!!
I hope to catch up soon


Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Happy Independence Day....

When ignited minds work with indomitable spirit ,a prosperous ,happy and safe India is assured.-
President APJ Kalam

We dream big, hope big .... n we so often need to do big .... Specifically these typical Indian days makes us all feel so patriotic. Living abroad does fill in an extra bit of patriotism in you. You never feel like letting ur country down. You always shield your country against the person who says ill about her. No wonder this friend of mine had once wrote to me in an e-mail, "Have u as well turned into a desh-bhakt? Everybody does after you go abroad."

Keeping that aside, not that leaving India really meant that there's no love for India any more. OR that there was no love for India.
This is specially meant for someone who's almost all the time refering to India as "their" country n not "our" or even " my " country. I would like to ask them, What is it that they are doing that is different from me, which proves them to be more appropriately belonging to India than I am. Fighting corruption? Helping the poor? Helping the disabled?Working for the border issues? Working for getting the govt. of India to lower the reservation quota? Working for those people who don't have a place to sleep and are as muddy as mud? Working towards building some kind of dams to prevent the floods that occur every single year? Working for terrorist attacks? Working towards not getting Muslims blamed if there is a riot in the city, when some Hindu has done it? Working for those people who go jobless every year just because they know no big man?
What exactly are you doing there which is different from what I am doing? I would like to know.

Just living in your motherland and not living in your motherland doesn't create a borderline between my country n not my country. Every parent has a dream that their children get well educated, so well that they always have an independence at hand to choose where they want to live and get settled, and an independence at hand to decide how they want to spend their life. That's exactly what my parents have done. They've dreamed and fulfilled it for their children. They've fulfilled their child's dream to try to get into the profession of medicine, which in India was a dream unfulfilled for her. She's been a topper in India as well, but here she's been appreciated for her efforts. They know her as an "Indian" who's simply the best. They've left more doors opened for that boy, who now can see the world at a broader perspective than an electronic engineer, a computer engineer or a mechanical engineer. The boy gets to hear things like, "Canada is proud to have you here". Doesn't this portray a pride of being Indian? Wouldn't your chest swell with pride when you'd hear something like that for an Indian?
We, the Indians abroad have a broader sense of responsibility than them, in a way that "Indians" as a whole are accountable for our deeds and misdeeds.

"India is my motherland" fills me with as much pride today as it did when I left it. Things don't really change for you unless you want to change them.
Certain truths really lay sealed tight behind our lips, just because we are afraid to let them out. People say, life's busier out here. Kind of true. But I guess, we can always find time to miss our friends n to talk to them. I myself have been a student, worked part time alongside, handled the house-hold along with my mother when she was here, but even all alone when she's in India - all at the same time. But I still find time to mail or msg my friends back "Home".

And what about life in India? Huh. Possibly even busier. People forget coz we're out of sight. People don't respond to msges coz they're reallllly busy. In short, people don't care. Or they care as much as Canadians do. Canadians are atleast good with one thing. You won't ever feel that they're with you forever. That they're your lifetime friends. They never make you feel that ways. Expectations, as a matter of fact, always hurt. Be it love or friendship.
So it probably doesn't have to be with the country. It certainly has to do with people.

"Moh- maaya"??? The last issue I am going to write about today.
"Moh-maaya chhodo... " contained one of the several mails I received on the eve of Independence. Living in Canada = Moh Maaya .... ??????
Didn't you educate yourself? For what? Aren't u earning now? Wouldn't you be looking forward for promotions? Why are you away from your family?
The truth is, this world doesn't require us to live a saintly life. A life has to be good. Nothing more than that. We all are selfish human beings, all of us. And not one emotion that we have is deprived of selfishness. You name it, n i'd unhappily but truthfully attach the label of "Selfishness" with it. Except for the love of parents.

I guess that was too much like a President's speech. So for now, I'd pen off.
Happy Independence Day!!!! May India rise in glory. All prayers and wishes for my beloved motherland.....

Monday, August 07, 2006

Top Ten Trivia About Me

1. The state nickname of Iowa is 'The meet_me state'!
2. Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than meet_me!
3. meet_me can be found on a Cluedo board between the Library and the Conservatory!
4. Only twelve people have ever set foot on meet_me.
5. If you drop meet_me from the top of the Empire State Building, she will be falling fast enough to kill before reaching the ground.
6. meet_me has 118 ridges around the edge!
7. meet_me was banned from Finland because of not wearing pants!
8. Some birds use meet_me to orientate themselves during migration.
9. meet_me kept at the window will keep vampires at bay!
10. The smelly fluid secreted by skunks is colloquially known as meet_me.

Read meet_me as my real name here ;)

Cheers all!!!!