Today ...

I sit lonely , in front of my laptop. People are online on my msngers but I am in no good mood to talk to them. I had been waiting for 1 phone call over the week and the weekend. I could have called, but remember, I've been broke. I have been waiting for my pay cheques, and I guess I've been spending rather lavishly. I thought he'd call... He said he would when he had some free time. Probably Sunday (t00) ain't free.
I have a pile of work waiting to be done, actually waiting to be started. But as long as I'd be drowned in blues, I guess I won't be able to start it.
I've desperately been needing Shru - but it's like whenever I talk to her, she's more pissed off than I am, so I let it go. And I am broke :-) so can't call her for at least a couple of days more.
Urghhhhh ! I hate this ... I hate myself for smiling when I don't feel like it ...
How I wish he'd read my blog without my having to show it to him ... How I wish I wasn't such a damn introvert ...
And lastly, dear Starry, thanks for all your supporting comments... n thanks for being around all this while... I am alright, I am sure I'll b able to handle this ...

Song of the moment: Dil nahi lagda tere bina ...
Mood of the moment: Blue ...

Differences ...

How would an interaction between a person in 2-d coordinate system and a person in 3-d coordinate system be like ?

Obviously frequent fights rather than the curiosity to know what's going on and how things work in the other world ...

(Idea from Carl Sagan's DVD "Cosmos", where he tells that a person in 2-d space knows ONLY length and breadth and no height, and the notion of height is weird to him)

Kash ......

Kash raahein itni sakheel na hoti,

Kash zabaan par kuch lagam di hoti,

Na dena padhta aaj jawab unhe

Na khafa hote woh na hum udas hote

Baat karne se baat banti hai bigarti nahi

Kyun is baat ko woh samajhte nahi

Kaash jazbaat bayan kiya hote unhone

Toh hum sahi sochte zyaada nahi kam nahi

I am feeling hell desperate :-( .

And I am horribly broke as well ;-).

Blindfolded

He moves his head lightly in sync with the music his i-pod plays. He expects that the first seat in the bus would be vacated for him as people see him and tends to walk to 'his' seat. He walks with a stick, so that he doesn't bump into an obstacle. He recognizes the university by the turns the bus takes. And his home by probably measuring the time, or probably using his sixth sense. I am not sure; I can never be sure.
He is the blind man, whom I see so very often on the route to my university. He's young, he's quiet, he's brown and he's patient. He probably would be thanking God because he's able to secure a seat in the bus. Or that he's able to never miss his stop when he goes home. Even if he can't see. Or that he can sense the bus coming, and know where exactly to stand. There are people who walk him to the place he ought to be, and there are people who let him stand where he stands, let him board the wrong bus, and even don't vacate their seat for him.
What would he be studying at the university ? How would he be doing EVERYTHING ? The other day, I was hearing a group of elderly people talking, and one of them said, "If I had to lose all my senses, let my sight be the last thing I lose". And my mind so drifted to that blind young man. Would he have ever experienced the colour of sunflowers dancing on a bright sunny day ? Would he ever have experienced what it is like to see a grey sky when it is smelling like rain and all the trees are suddenly greener than usual ? Would he ever have thought that sight would be the last of the senses he would like to lose ?
I don't know how often he would be complaining, or even if he would be doing it ever or not. I pray to God to give him mental strength, so that he never loses faith in what God has given him. I am sure God must have balanced it all - He sure loves his kids.
And to think of it now reminds me of how as kids we used to blindfold our eyes and play the game of searching for others, taking care of what comes in the way as danger.

I am sorry

I wish words could really be taken back,
And we could fit in what they lack
I know words don't heal as much they hurt
I know they are but hard and blunt.
I don't always mean what I say,
When I am blue, black and grey,
I hurt you more than I love you
But know that I love you true.
Is there another way I could be sorry,
To tell you I really am sorry, very sorry?

To the readers: IS there a way I could say I am reallllly sorry? I realllllly mean it .........

Ramblings !!

The winter sun
And the cold winter mornings,
The faraway love
And the cold all-time distances.
The sleepy dream
And the cold sudden wake-up.
Everything is but happy,
With an air of cold,
Everything is still perfect.
A feeling ramified,
A silence unjustified,
A want unfulfilled,
I am living imperfection
Imperfection at its best.
I am living a life that is
Still better than the rest.