My world...dreams and questions....

Monday, September 18, 2006


I've put up a pending post today "My side of the story....", which, I donno why, appears below the post below this one!!!

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

What's in a name?

Kerri went on in her very excited tone, " I like your name very much." I gave her a grin and respond with a very cheerful thank you. She continued, "We Canadians are not a bunch of friendly people at all. What people usually do when they get resumes for a job is to sort them out according to the names. A person would be sorted out in the first-time sorting just because his name is not in sync with the hiring professional's community". She ended up with a matter-of-factly tone, " I have always looked up on people who have immigrated from other nations. I am glad I don't do that. Otherwise, I would have missed you. "

I listened to her speech trying to digest what I had just heard, trying to understand what it meant to me, and trying to figure out its dire consequences. I simply managed a nod and a smile to cream it all up.

Well, all's well that end's well. Quite true, but with a haunting over-powering sense of shock and uncertainty walking right beside me. "What's in a name? A rose by any other name will smell as sweet." The famous quote by Shakespeare occupied my mind. A rose would be hired if it was named rose, but not if it was named "Tulip".... Phew!!! Kind of weird isn't it?

Let's garter this hope firmly - I'll make it just as I made it this time. Let's hope a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet. Let's hope Shakespearinism sustains.


Thursday, September 07, 2006

My side of the story....

Among all the things that humans worry about, is the need for love, a need for security and a dire need for being able to make sure that our loved ones are living a comfortable life. Well, I am in the midst of a turmoil. A family who's been the world's best family God could ever have created on the one hand, and a country I've loved always on the other hand. A secure, safe, independent future and the ability to help and support my family on one hand, and someone who's half my world for me on the other hand. A choice I've already made, but it always makes me want to revise it. Something that tells me that certain things in life are above emotions and that somethings in life are simply there to be regretted.
Besides that, I've completely lost track of myself. I've forgotten who I am, I've been pissed off more often than I can afford to. I've been feeling like a loser. A person who's lost her aim, who's lost in life. And who's lost to life her life itself. There's so much I would want to say. There's so much I would love to talk about. There's much more than that I would want some advice about. It is hell depressing. I just wish I could jabber like this cousin of mine, who can speak non-stop - even when nobody's interested in what she is saying. Well, probably she's able to take that fountain of misery out. I suffer damn lot. I want to speak up. But I fear hurting. I hate myself.
I got a piece of advice - keep your mind pre-occupied. But who would trust me saying that I am not able to do it, with no purpose, reason, aim, wandering into a vicinity that stretches out beyond horizon, beyond the flamboyant colors that we, as humans are expected to see?
There's nothing more a loser wants to say.